In fact, enabling generally begins with the desire to help. Enabling behaviors can often seem like helping behaviors. You may try to help with the best of intentions and enable someone without realizing it. If you’re concerned you might be enabling someone’s behavior, read on to learn more about enabling, including signs, how to stop, and how to provide support to your loved one. As you work on overcoming your enabling characteristics of an enabler tendencies, you might find that your relationships change. Others might fall away as you stop enabling destructive behaviors.
People who engage in enabling behaviors aren’t the “bad guy,” but their actions have the potential to promote and support unhealthy behaviors and patterns in others. Sometimes, enablers don’t realize that they aren’t helping the other person and are allowing destructive or unhealthy behaviors to continue. If you think your actions might enable your loved one, consider talking to a therapist. In therapy, you can start identifying enabling behaviors and get support as you learn to help your loved one in healthier ways. So, dear enablers, it’s time to put down that cape, step off the rescue boat, and start taking care of yourselves. Your journey to self-discovery and healthier relationships starts now.
Helping Them Avoid Consequences of Their Behaviors
- When an enabler stops enabling, the person with an alcohol or drug addiction may have an easier time seeking help.
- As the other person completes their treatment program, the enabler can also learn to prepare for the new life in recovery.
- Instead of learning to budget or manage their finances, the person becomes reliant on the rescuer, continuing the problem and creating an unhealthy dynamic.
This stage is often rooted in fear, guilt, or a desire to avoid conflict, and it prevents both the enabler and the other person from addressing the issue. For example, a narcissistic enabler might protect a narcissist from facing the consequences of their actions. Enablers often act out of love, guilt, or fear of losing the relationship, but this behavior creates unhealthy patterns. Parenting styles, like being overly protective or neglectful, and experiences of abuse can also lead someone to prioritize others’ needs over their own to avoid conflict or feel valued. Breaking this pattern requires setting firm boundaries and encouraging the child to take responsibility for their own recovery.
This could include explaining away missed work or failed responsibilities due to drug and alcohol use, or covering up for them when they’ve gotten into trouble as a result of their addiction. An enabler personality is so focused on fulfilling their loved one’s needs that they ignore their own needs. Consequently, at some point, they feel underappreciated which results in feelings of resentment. This process is a never-ending cycle because, at the same time, it becomes difficult to stop enabling behavior.
Professional therapy, done online
Handling a person with SUD is stressful and challenging. Substance abuse disorder (SUD) is a disease, and they need professional help.
One way to stop enabling a person with a mental health disorder is by first educating yourself on their condition. Desperate enabling causes stress and difficult challenges for everyone involved. An enabler might do things because they fear that things will be worse if they don’t help them in the way that they do. In the innocent enabling stage, a person starts with love and concern for the other person, but they don’t know how to guide or help them.
Other people tell you you’re enabling
By removing the financial consequences, you inadvertently allow them to continue harmful patterns. An enabler is someone who continuously supports or encourages someone to act in ways that potentially cause harm to someone. In short, an enabler personality supports or encourages unhealthy tendencies. For example, an enabler might support someone else’s consumption of alcohol or substance use, self-harm, unlawful action, or manipulation even after knowing the consequences.
So, you step in and fulfill those needs in order to avoid an argument or other consequence. There’s nothing wrong with helping others from time to time. No one is saying you should never give a friend a ride to the store when their car breaks down. Or that it’s necessarily problematic to help an adult child pay an overdue bill here or there. That kind of thing happens sometimes, and it’s probably OK. Setting boundaries but never following through on consequences—such as threatening to cut financial support yet always caving—signals to your loved one that your limits aren’t real.
Setting Boundaries
An intervention can be a good way to help them understand their problems. You may also consider talking with your friends and family, so you don’t have to do it alone. When they overstep their boundaries, make sure to give them proper consequences. You have to make them understand the gravity of their actions and behavior. Someone with an addiction needs to take accountability for their actions and take steps to improve their lives.
- Negative enabling happens when someone unintentionally supports harmful behavior by shielding a person from the consequences of their actions.
- It’s difficult to work through addiction or alcohol misuse alone.
- But if making excuses for destructive or harmful behavior becomes a habit and gives room to more toxic behavior, you might be inadvertently reinforcing said behaviors.
- Chronic stress, resentment, and financial strain are signs it’s time to address the situation.
Therefore, make some positive changes within, start taking responsibility, look after each other’s needs, and face your consequences instead of passing them. Seeking therapy or joining support groups can be incredibly helpful. It’s like having a personal trainer for your mental health. They can provide tools, strategies, and support as you work on overcoming your enabling tendencies. Enablers often find themselves inadvertently supporting destructive behaviors in others.
You might decide it’s better just to ignore the behavior or hide your money. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this new territory. All this giving and no receiving leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout. Enablers often find themselves running on empty, like a car trying to cross the Sahara on fumes.
What Is Negative Enabling?
It often makes it worse since an enabled person has less motivation to make changes if they keep getting help that reduces their need to make change. Enabling often describes situations involving addiction or substance misuse. Enabling can describe any situation where you “help” by attempting to hide problems or make them go away. It’s like the airplane safety demonstration – put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Start paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
However, enabling is not healthy for either party involved. The person with the addiction will not get the help they need, and the enabler may end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Confronting your loved one can help them realize you don’t support the behavior while also letting them know you’re willing to help them work toward change. Financially enabling a loved one can have particularly damaging consequences if they struggle with addiction or alcohol misuse.
